“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”
- Romans 8:28
One year ago today, my brother-in-law Kevin lost his heart-breaking battle with brain cancer at the age of 48. He left behind his wife and 2 children, and so many others, who deeply loved and respected him.
A year later, I still find it hard to find any gratitude in that. This is a blog about gratitude and faith. I’m struggling to find either in any of this. In place of the comfort and peace I usually get from my bible reading, Romans 8:28 is like sandpaper to my soul. How can anything about Kevin’s death be good?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly thankful for how much everyone has rallied around my sister-in-law, neice and nephew, Kevin’s mother, siblings and others. I’m glad for the blessings of financial, emotional and spiritual support they’ve received. And I’m grateful for the grace God has given them throughout this year. But I’m not grateful for the reason why.
Kevin was a good, hardworking, faithful and decent man. He loved his wife and children. He loved God. He lived with integrity and was a great role model to so many young men, including my son. He accomplished so much in his life and could have contributed so much more. Why did God chose to take such a good man home so soon?
The truth is I don’t know. But slowly, I am realizing that I don’t have to know. I just need to trust. I need to trust that somehow in God’s plan, even this works together for the good. I need to remember that God is good. All the time. That’s what Kevin would want anyway.
I love the way Ann Voskamp reflects on gratitude when she says, “This world doesn’t need trendy gratitude like it needs Jesus gratitude. The kind that gives thanks for the bread and the nails.” Suffering is a part of the Christian experience. We may not understand its purpose, but God does and He will always use it for good. Were there no nails in Jesus’ life, there’d be no salvation in mine. So in faith, I trust that the nails from Kevin’s life will someday be the seeds of blessing in the lives of those who knew and loved him.
If you are reading this because you know Kevin, or because you’ve recently lost someone and are struggling to make sense of it, I pray that you can find hope in God and strength to trust in Him. I pray for peace as you remember the impact that person had on your life. I pray for courage to do one thing today that honors their memory. May you find comfort and blessing as you do so.
Steph,
I can’t bring myself to “thank” God for taking Kev away from us either. But, I do trust God. I know deep in my heart that Kev’s death was not in vain. Something good is going to come from it. I may never see that in my lifetime, though, and that’s OK too.
But, I can thank God for so many other blessings through the whole experience. It’s important to search for the blessings each day, the “light” in your dark days, instead of just questioning “why”.
I’m thankful for:
Our family, friends and co-workers who provided Kev, me and our children with constant love and support ~ physical, spiritual, financial and emotional. They gave us encouragement through phone calls, cards, letters, prayers (oh the prayers!) and random acts of chocolate (smile)!
God’s peace ~ for Kev (and all of us) to be accepting of the situation. I saw it in Kev’s face and felt it in my heart many times in the midst of some of the worst days.
God’s peace for me and my family through the viewing and funeral and burial. I knew Kev would’ve wanted us to be strong…the days before and after, I couldn’t be.
The time he and I had together before his diagnosis …25 yrs married to the finest man ever. How lucky am I?
The time we had together after the diagnosis, so that we could all show him how much we loved him before we had to say good-bye.
Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives, is the perfect preparation for the future only He can see.
We are all so blessed to have had Kevin in our lives. Now we just have to trust…No eye has seen, nor ear heard what God has in store for those who love Him. He didn’t say the road would be easy, but He did say the arrival would be worth the wait.
Love, Jane